12 Things to Never Tell Your Friends About Your Relationship | Marriage.com (2023)

12 Things to Never Tell Your Friends About Your Relationship | Marriage.com (1)

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“Secrets don’t make friends!”

This message is one that we’ve all heard at one time or another. Whether it was a parent, a teacher, or some actual friend who felt out of the loop; the person delivering the message was trying to get us to keep our secrets to ourselves. But within our close group of friends, there’s an unwritten rule of confidentiality.

What is said here, stays here.

It’s with this notion that you feel free to share every last detail of your life with the people you trust the most. Where should you draw the line, though? There must be certain parts of your life that should remain behind closed doors, right? Absolutely!

Your relationship with your spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend is where you should draw the line in the sand. There are certain things that your friends just don’t need to know. For good and bad, better or worse, the finer details of your most important relationship needs to stay in house. Below you’ll find 12 such topics that are off limits for those happy hour gab sessions and Sunday afternoon, beer induced “open mic”s while football is on.

Money issues

Money is a sensitive subject for just about anyone who doesn’t have a million dollars in the bank. If you and your partner are having issues saving or paying off debt, that’s no ones business but yours. You two should work together to figure out a plan to make it work. If you need some help figuring it out, seek advice from an objective party. By spilling the information to your friends, you’re betraying the trust of the person you’re with. Be tight lipped on this one.

Your partner’s (or your) transgressions

If one of you cheated and you’re trying to make it work, telling your friends about it will most definitely derail the process. Stepping out on the one you love is a universal negative in the world we live in, so you’ll only be inviting judgment into your relationship. No matter how you try to rationalize it with your friends, they won’t understand your perspective. Work through it with your partner only.

He’s not great in bed. She’s a pushover. If there’s some feeling that you have about the person that you’re with, but you haven’t had a conversation with them about it, then it’s off limits for outside conversations. Don’t use your partner’s shortcomings as stand-up comedy material for you and your buddies. If there’s something that bothers you about your wife or husband, be honest with them about it.

Naked selfies and things of the like

If there’s some intimate details of your relationship like some nude photos or racy emails being sent, there’s no need to show any of your friends. Your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or wife doesn’t need to say “for your eyes only” with each juicy message they send. It’s implied. Understand that they are trying to turn you on, not become a topic of conversation within your social circle.

Your partner’s past

Maybe he cheated. Maybe she had an ugly divorce with her ex. No matter what the issue is, there’s no need to broadcast it. Just because you’ve accepted their past doesn’t mean that your friends will do the same. It’s clear that they’ve put it behind them, so allow it to stay there. By using it as a conversation piece outside of your relationship, you’re betraying their trust in a big way.

12 Things to Never Tell Your Friends About Your Relationship | Marriage.com (2)

Your sex life

What you do behind closed doors with the person you love should remain behind closed doors. To be sexual and intimate with someone is one of the most vulnerable acts a human can expose themselves to. Sharing the details decreases the value of those intimate moments with your partner. No one needs to know how many times you’ve done it in the past month, or how tame or wild it is. If the two of you are happy with how it goes down, that’s all that matters.

It should be understood that the level of confidentiality with your spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend is as high as it gets. It’s a safe space where they can share about their friends, family, or coworkers without worry that what they’ve said will be heard by anyone else. If they find out that something they’ve said found it’s way into the ear of someone that isn’t you, the trust in your relationship will be broken. If you break that trust, you’re then encouraging them to keep their thoughts to themselves. This will lead to more secrets, white lies, and a battlefield of discontent. Keep the safe space safe.

Details of the latest fight

No one is perfect. Not you, not your partner, and certainly not your friends and family. Even though we are all aware of this, we all judge those that make mistakes. If you and your partner got into a fight, that’s your business. By telling your social circle or your family, you’re opening the door for judgment. It doesn’t matter who was at fault for the fight. Find a way to fix the problem within your relationship, because by sharing the details, you’re guaranteeing yourself another fight soon. Telling anyone willing to listen won’t solve the problem; working on it with the person you love will.

That awful gift they got you

It’s one thing to dislike the gift they got you, it’s even worse when you tell all your pals about it. Two things could’ve happened when they got you that gift:

  • They tried really hard to find something you liked and they missed the mark.
  • They didn’t put too much thought into it and the result shows.

If it’s option 1, give them a break. They tried. They’re going to feel terrible that they didn’t do well, and telling your friends will only make it worse.

If it’s option 2, have a conversation with your partner, not your crew. Tell them that you don’t appreciate that they didn’t put much thought in what they got you. You can’t win by using the misfortune of a bad gift as gossip while having a drink with friends.

Your partner’s insecurities

I may sound like a broken record here, but your marriage or relationship is a sacred safe space. Maybe your husband is a little overweight. Maybe your wife is an introvert and isn’t a big fan of social events. Don’t tarnish the trust of your relationship by making these private pieces of them public. It’s hard enough for them to share that insecurity with you, watching you share it with others will undoubtedly break their heart.

How they feel about your friends

This information is on a need to know basis, and your friends most definitely don’t need to know. If your partner isn’t a fan of your friends, it’s not the end of the world. They’re your friends, not theirs. As long as everyone is civil, that’s all that matters. Want to know how to turn things from civil to destructive? Tell all your friends that your guy or girl doesn’t enjoy their company.

Issues with the in-laws

When you get married, you aren’t just merging the lives of two people; you’re joining the lives of two families. What happens within the relationships of those two families shouldn’t be broadcast to your inner circle. Some people have amazing relationships with their in-laws, others have problems from time to time. Don’t let your friends in on which camp you reside in.

Nick Matiash
Nick Matiash is a lifestyle blogger, relationship expert, and happily married man. He is a teacher by day and writer by night; writing about topics such as personal development, positive mindset, and relationship advice. Check out more of his work over at movingpastmediocre.com!


What you should not tell your friends about your relationship? ›

Your sex life

Sharing the details decreases the value of those intimate moments with your partner. No one needs to know how many times you've done it in the past month, or how tame or wild it is. If the two of you are happy with how it goes down, that's all that matters.

What do married couples do in bed? ›

Give a massage

Let it not aim to create sexual tension, but to feel the closeness of another person. Give each other a massage. In the course, you can be silent, talk or listen to relaxing music. This is one of the coolest ways to spend time together.

Is it wrong to tell your friends about your relationship? ›

Discussing problems in your romantic relationship with your friends can be beneficial to you, your friendship, and your romantic relationship. There's no reason to feel guilty about talking to your close friends about your relationship, as long as you're being honest and not sharing anything too personal.

What are the 5 most important things in a marriage? ›

5 essentials for a healthy relationship
  • Communication. One hallmark of a healthy relationship is the ability for partners to communicate openly with each other about how they're feeling. ...
  • Feeling heard. Having someone listen to us and feeling heard is important. ...
  • Disagreements. ...
  • Mutual intimacy. ...
  • Trust.

Is it OK to talk to friends about marital problems? ›

But talking to your friends or family about your relationships can be really important. It can give you new perspectives on what you're dealing with, help you realise that other people have been through similar things and – perhaps most importantly – can help you feel less alone.

Is it OK to talk to friends about your marriage? ›

But while talking about our marriages with friends is fine, she says there are a few really important things to keep in mind when those chats involve venting. One, you're only getting the female perspective on the situation—and it's not the whole picture.

What couples do at night in bed? ›

This can be anything from multi-player video games to scrabble, UNO or even Jenga. It keeps the relationship fun and devoid of tensions. Apart from intimacy, couples often massage each other in bed. While this is romantic only in some instances, it is usually because you tend to develop aches and pains as you age.

What can a sexless marriage do? ›

Can a sexless marriage survive? The short answer is that yes, a sexless marriage can survive – but it can come at a cost. If one partner desires sex but the other is uninterested, lack of sex can lead to decreased intimacy and connection, feelings of resentment and even infidelity.

What do happy couples do before bed? ›

They Intentionally Make Time to Connect

Instead of just flopping into bed and turning on the TV, the happiest couples take 10 minutes before they both go to bed to do what Dr. Moore calls “The State of the Union.” This involves each partner taking turns at the role of either speaker or listener.

What is oversharing in a relationship? ›

Oversharing is when you say more than is appropriate in a given situation or to a specific person. You can overshare in-person or via email, social media, or text message. Often, what you say becomes oversharing when you don't have a deep enough connection with someone.

Should I tell my friends my husband cheated? ›

Another benefit of telling your friends and family about the affair is the amount of support you can receive. People can only help you best once they know what the problem is. Being aware of the affair allows your friends and family to provide the care that's uniquely necessary for infidelity.

What should you not share with your partner? ›

12 Things You Should Never Share With Your Partner
  • Your toothbrushes. ...
  • Your beauty routine. ...
  • Your password. ...
  • Your bedpost notches. ...
  • Your feelings about his Mum. ...
  • Your bank statements. ...
  • Your friends' misbehaviour. ...
  • Photos of holidays with exes.
Aug 26, 2016

What are the 3 P's of marriage? ›

Even if you look like a million bucks—and you have a few million in the bank—Steve says a woman needs to know how a man shows his love. It's all about the "three P's." "We profess, we provide and we protect," he says.

What are the 5 C's in marriage? ›

Communication, Commitment, Compassion, Compatibility, and Chemistry.

What are the three C's of a good marriage? ›

A strong and healthy relationship is built on the three C's: Communication, Compromise and Commitment. Think about how to use communication to make your partner feel needed, desired and appreciated.

What are the signs of unhappy marriage? ›

8 Signs of an Unhappy Marriage That Could Lead to Divorce
  • You Hardly Communicate Anymore. ...
  • There is Little to No Intimacy. ...
  • You Would Rather Spend Time With Your Friends Than be at Home With Your Partner. ...
  • Everything They Do Irritates You. ...
  • There is Emotional Withdrawal. ...
  • Both of you Have Differing Values, Beliefs, and Goals.
Feb 8, 2023

What is emotional cheating in a marriage? ›

Broadly, emotional infidelity describes a situation in which an individual in a relationship develops an important emotional connection with someone other than their partner, in a way that crosses a line without necessarily becoming physical.

When to call it quits in a marriage? ›

One of the most prominent signs of when to call it quits in a marriage is unwillingness to communicate. No matter how hard you try to engage your partner, it doesn't seem to work. You try the nice voice and the sweet thoughts. You try the yelling and the threatening.

Do friendships break after marriage? ›

While it is natural for you and your relationships to change over time, losing friends is not. Friendships have been seen to diminish after people cross that significant life landmark called marriage. New obligations and priorities also keep newlyweds from spending time with their buddies.

At what point in a relationship should you talk about marriage? ›

Don't Talk About Marriage Too Soon

Even if you're smitten from the start, Doares cautions against having the marriage conversation too early. "Wait until you each know each other fairly well—and are clear about your own goals, as well as the ones you have for the relationship," she says.

What should you not do in a marriage? ›

Marriage Mistakes and How to Fix Them
  • Splitting the housework evenly. ...
  • Having unrealistic expectations of marriage. ...
  • Thinking sexual issues don't matter. ...
  • Anger problems. ...
  • Staying up to resolve an argument, even if it takes all night. ...
  • Expecting your partner to be able to mind read. ...
  • Putting off kind gestures.

Is it healthy to vent to friends about your relationship? ›

While the old school way of thought think that talking about your relationship is somehow betraying your partner's trust, venting to your friends can actually be a good thing.

Is it normal to vent to your friends about your relationship? ›

While complaining in a relationship is normal, venting to friends is typically more common among women. One thing that makes female friendships different from male friendships is that females tend to talk about everything.

What should you not tell your significant other? ›

12 things you should never say to your partner
  • ''If you really loved me, you'd do it. '' ...
  • ''You make me whole. ...
  • ''I wish things were how they used to be. ...
  • ''You make me feel guilty for hanging out with friends. ...
  • "You're so boring – you cramp my style." ...
  • ''Why do you NEVER listen to me? ...
  • ''You're so selfish! ...
  • ''You've changed.
Apr 20, 2017

What are 5 things you should not share on social media? ›

10 Things Companies & Employees Should Not to Share on Social Media
  • Negative Posts About Customers or Clients.
  • Warnings, Special Offers, and Other Spammy Announcements.
  • Irrelevant Viral Content.
  • Political or Religious Posts.
  • Content That Isn't Properly Proofread or Edited.
  • Attempts to Capitalize on Tragedy.
Jun 24, 2022

What friends should you avoid? ›

Florence Isaacs, author of Toxic Friends/True Friends, explains to WebMD that a toxic friendship is unsupportive, draining, unrewarding, stifling, unsatisfying, and often unequal. Isaacs goes on to say that toxic friends stress you out, use you, are unreliable, are overly demanding, and don't give anything back.

What things should we avoid in life? ›

  • Nov 14, 2022. Things I avoid to be happier. ...
  • Neglecting your needs. To be your happier self, you need to consider your needs and wants and prioritise them above everything else. ...
  • Getting involved in drama. ...
  • Unrealistic expectations. ...
  • Settling for less. ...
  • Always saying yes. ...
  • Listening only to others' opinion. ...
  • Living in the past.
Nov 14, 2022

What is emotional dumping? ›

Emotional dumping is an act of unconsciously sharing your feelings or perspective without an awareness of the other person and their emotional state or needs. Emotional dumping typically occurs as a heightened reactive response to a triggering event that is relived and repeated within a conversation.

Should you tell your friends and family about your marital problems? ›

It's best to avoid sharing your marital problems with people who aren't neutral. The little comfort or vindication you might get from telling your friends or family about your marital woes is not worth the trouble. It's however perfectly fine to brag about your spouse to friends and family.

What is toxic venting? ›

This is what experts call trauma dumping. Unlike venting, trauma dumping is done in an "unsolicited, unprepared way, where a person dumps traumatic thoughts, feelings, energy onto an unsuspecting person," whether it be a close friend or a stranger on social media.

What is emotional cheating in a relationship? ›

Broadly, emotional infidelity describes a situation in which an individual in a relationship develops an important emotional connection with someone other than their partner, in a way that crosses a line without necessarily becoming physical.

Should you talk to others about your relationship? ›

Occasionally, yes, you need to talk through problems with a friend, especially if it's an ongoing issue with your partner; feedback can be helpful. But Ivankovich says that if you haven't (or wouldn't) say it in front of your partner, then you should bite your tongue to friends.

Is venting gossiping? ›

Venting is sometimes necessary to productively express frustration about a person or a problem—but gossiping isn't. Gossip is spread maliciously while venting relieves pent-up frustration. Gossiping is ill-intentioned and mean-spirited and can cause destruction of a person's humanity or reputation.


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