When I see a scar, I see something else. I think about how much it probably hurt, of course, but I also think about why it's there in the first place.
Some scars are lessons-- learning when you're five that the iron is really really hot. Some are from a traumatic experience or surgery-- a mark of courage. And the rest are most usually attached to some wild story.
The great thing about scars, is no matter how small, it seems you don't forget why they're there. Each scar has it's own story behind it, and those seem to stick around remarkably well, sometimes more so than the scar itself.
I decided to ask around for the best 'stories behind the scar.' Here are some of the tales I was told:
Marks of Bravery
"When I was a freshman in high school I was at soccer practice and passed out mid warm up run. Come to find out I had a hole in my heart where 90 percent of the wall between my upper chambers were gone mixing the oxygenated and deoxygenated blood causing my heart to work harder and enlarge ten times its normal size. So I had to get open heart surgery to fix the hole or else I would have died before 18 years old-- my doctor said my heart and hole was the largest he'd ever seen. So now I have a nice scar in the middle of my chest." -Brittany M.
"I had a calcium buildup on my arm, and decided to have removal surgery to get rid of the pain, knowing there would be a huge scar after. A surgery intern was the one who closed the incision, and they didn't do a very good job. The scar didn't heal right, so it was much bigger than they expected. A few years later, I watched them cut out the entire scar to fix the damage, which left me with a new one. It's still pretty big, but I used to be very self-conscious about it. Now I have accepted it as part of me. So sometimes when people ask me what happened I like to make up stories (i.e. shark attack, stabbed, car accident), because I get a kick out of it, and who cares anyway?" -Ashley J.
"I saw two guys ganging up on my friend, so I stepped in. Three more guys decided to jump on me. I was fighting those three guys which resulted in a split from my nose to my lip. I remember the shot of novocaine directly in the cut (before the stiches) hurt a lot more than the punch." -Anthony V. (Dad)
'I Don't Remember ALL the Details...' Scars
As I have come to find, many scars happen to be result of a bit too much to drink, and bad decisions (for example, someone I know deciding that burning yourself with a lit cigarette would be hilarious). Sometimes the exact details are fuzzy, but here is a small collection of those tipsy triumphs.
"It was November, and in my town high schoolers go to this place called the "Crater" in the woods to drink. One night I was there and my best friend, Meredith, who was holding my hand, tripped and brought me down with her. My hand was gushing blood so I was holding toilet paper on it that some random kid had in his back pack. A few minutes later I heard from my ex boyfriend say, "where the f*** is Meredith?" Then I heard "what?" I turned and she was on the ground, he was gone, and her nose was bleeding and broken. So we walked together, my hand gushing, her nose gushing. I was worried about her that night, so I didn't get stitches. Now we both have scars from that night." -M.
"I went sailing black-out-drunk and ended up tipping the entire sail boat over. In the process I cut my foot on a broken bottle." -C.
"Well New Year's Eve I went to a party and there was a ton of people. The clock turned midnight and the cops kicked open the door and threw in pepper spray bombs. There was like 100 kids in the room and they barricaded the front door so everyone had to squeeze out the back. It was a normal sized door during a stampede, so my hand got stuck and cut open. Turns out I got it for nothing, we all got trapped by the cops in the back yard anyway." -K.
"I was peeing in the dark, I didn't have much balance at the time. I ended up falling, rolling down a hill, and my hand found a glass bottle at the bottom. I'm just glad it was my hand." -M.
Memory Scars
Some scars have stories attached that are just plain funny. (Though, at the time, probably not so funny.)Like, when my brother decided to make french fries while shirtless, resulting in a straight scar across his stomach from the pan.
"I have a scar on my head. Hit it on a moving ceiling fan. It was great." -Ally P
"Me and my brother got into a pillow fight. I saw the pillow coming right for my face, so I put my hand up, punching myself in the face. I started bleeding everywhere and had to get stitches up there. Nobody can really see the scar, but I'll never forget it. My brother sure won that pillow fight." -Katie O.
"I have one on my tongue-- cause I bit through it. And had to get it stitched back on. Because my brother threw a baseball at my face." -Katrina B.
"So I'm four years old and laying on the ground in my brother’s room while he is vacuuming. He took the vacuum and vacuumed my head. I had a bald spot for five years." -Molly K.
"I don't have too many of my own, but Dana I sure as hell remember watching you somersault down the cement bowl of the skate park when I was trying to teach you how to roller blade. Your elbow was bleeding the whole day." -Alexandra N.(Yes, I do have a huge scar from that lovely day.)
"For Dana’s birthday every year we went to walk the rock coast in Rockport MA. Her mom only had one rule for this birthday weekend: no flip flops. I wore flip flops. Now I have a nice big scar in the middle of my shin" -Katie O.
"I was at the first fireworks that I remember, and a falling firework ash fell into my Wellington boot and burned me. I was only three when it happened." -Kate G.
"While riding my dirt bike in 8th grade, I slid out in the mud. My Suzuki landed on top of my leg, I was pinned on my back like a turtle. I calmly turned the engine off, then turned to panic as I felt the burning on my leg. As I was in the mud, I couldn’t get any traction to lift the bike. I yelled, I cried, I blacked out, I awoke…to see my younger brother ride down a hill to me, he jumped off his bike while it was still moving, and he pulled the bike off of me, using all of his 6th grade 80 lbs! My dad, who was riding ahead, estimated it was 10 minutes or so. It felt like a lifetime. My little brother grew up to be a firefighter, still saving people from burning! The result: 3rd degree burns, two large ovals on my calf that perfectly reflected the exhaust shield. They look like bite marks, so I used to tell people I was bitten by a shark. Over the years, I've told the story so many times that it's become convincing enough to fool just about anyone." -Anthony V. (Dad)
"I grabbed a hot tail pipe as a child because it was shiny-- I got second degree burns on my hands." -Shane N.
My last scar story isn't too wild, but I have a tiny, tiny scar on my arm. It's from when I was in the hospital senior year -- as a result of a PICC line (peripherally inserted central catheter). Basically, it goes from your arm to your heart to give you nutrients, medications, and take blood from. I got it in the ICU at Massachusetts General Hospital -- it was one of the lowest parts of my life for sure, and I was very weak. But I love that scar, it's right in the middle of my bicep, so I see it and think how strong I've become since I got it.
Scars teach lessons -- be proud of your life marks. If you're ever worried about showing your scars, take a lesson from my dad:
"I needed surgery to fix a shoulder that dislocated four times in two years. Before I went “out”, my doctor told me he’d try to keep the scar small. Under the anesthesia, I told him, “for all the pain I’ve endured, make it big, I want a good story to tell”. So I have a 6 inch long, half inch wide scar on my right shoulder."
FAQs
Why do we say falling in love and not rising in love? ›
Rising in love acknowledges that you are your own person within the relationship, you are able to make choices and so can your partner. Falling in love in comparison can be experienced as a process that is beyond the individuals control.
Is it normal to fall in love with a song? ›Music doesn't stimulate lovey–dovey feelings in everyone, but there is evidence that it can. It has power beyond what we can see. So next time a song brings you a desire to find "the one," don't fret. It's natural.
What is the main message of the song Where Is the Love? ›The song is about the state of the world and how there is a lack of love; it discusses how people are more focused on negative things, such as violence and money, instead of spreading love, and concludes with a call to action asking people to spread love in order to make the world a better place.
What type of song is can't help falling in love? ›"Can't Help Falling in Love" | |
---|---|
Genre | Pop |
Length | 2:59 |
Label | RCA Victor |
Songwriter(s) | Hugo Peretti Luigi Creatore George David Weiss |
- Be an Active Listener. There's a big difference between hearing and actively listening. ...
- Ask Your S.O. How They Are Doing. ...
- Don't Scroll and Talk. ...
- 4. Make Time for Them. ...
- Hang Out with Their Friends. ...
- Send Them Random Cute Messages. ...
- Leave a Love Note. ...
- Show Affection in Public.
Tears and chills – or “tingles” – on hearing music are a physiological response which activates the parasympathetic nervous system, as well as the reward-related brain regions of the brain. Studies have shown that around 25% of the population experience this reaction to music.
How long does it take to fall in love? ›The bottom line? Falling in love can happen relatively quickly — some say they feel it on a first date, while most agree it takes at least eight weeks. But you can fall out of love just as easily.
Can songs trigger emotions? ›Music and Mood
The limbic system, which is involved in processing emotions and controlling memory, “lights” up when our ears perceive music. The chills you feel when you hear a particularly moving piece of music may be the result of dopamine, a neurotransmitter that triggers sensations of pleasure and well-being.
They give us feelings and emotions to aspire to, and songs are there for us when we go through difficult times." Love songs also move with the times, Fauteux adds. "The love story is very common and adapts to cultural shifts.
What is the explanation of love songs? ›A love song is a song about romantic love, falling in love, heartbreak after a breakup, and the feelings that these experiences bring. A comprehensive list of even the best known performers and composers of love songs would be a large order.
What are the social issues in Where Is the Love? ›
In June 2003, the Black Eyed Peas released hit song "Where Is the Love?" in response to the 9/11 terror attacks. Its lyrics addressed issues including terrorism, racism, gang crime, pollution, war, intolerance, and violence against LGBT people.
What do love songs do to the brain? ›During peak emotional moments in the songs identified by the listeners, dopamine was released in the nucleus accumbens, a structure deep within the older part of our human brain. “That's a big deal, because dopamine is released with biological rewards, like eating and sex, for example,” says Salimpoor.
Why do some songs make me feel in love? ›What exactly is this mysterious power our favourite songs command over us? Essentially, it's dopamine. We get a little bump of it every time we hear a song we like the sound of. And like little lab rats, we keep seeking that hit by listening to that song over and over.
Why do some songs make you feel in love? ›Especially when it's music we love, the brain releases dopamine while listening. Dopamine is a chemical messenger that plays a role in how we feel pleasure.
How do you say I love you without saying I love u? ›- "This reminded me of you." ...
- "Let me help you with that." ...
- "I really miss you." ...
- "I am worried about you." ...
- "I'm here for you." ...
- "I respect you more than you know." ...
- "Nothing will make me leave your side." ...
- "I want to grow with you."
There are many reasons couples reach the stage of one concluding: I love you but I'm not in love with you. But the heart of the matter is, they have lost that connection with their loved one. Two people can start out with joint hopes and dreams, but normal life can take them in different directions.
What is the hardest stage of love? ›The first year of the relationship is the hardest stage, and even when you're living together, you still discover new things about each other every day. How to Survive: The key to getting past the discovery stage is also discovery. The discovery of your partner's imperfections and your imperfections as well.
What makes men fall in love? ›Physical attraction, sexual compatibility, empathy, and emotional connection are key to making a man fall in love with a woman.
Why do I feel music in my soul? ›I personally think that this phrase refers to an energetic sound frequency that matches the individual frequency of a person's soul. Essentially, the energy of the music and the person are in sync with one another and this creates a deep, spiritual reaction within them.
Why am I crying over a song? ›We cry when we hear some songs because, the singers feelings are encoded in it and we sympathize or empathize with them. The embedded feeling evoke some memories in you, a catharsis occurs, stresses are released and tears roll down.
Why do I cry at beautiful things? ›
Expressing teary reverence for such visions of beauty is totally normal, and even healthy. According to scientific studies, tears of joy helps restore a person's emotional equilibrium and enables them to moderate intense emotions more quickly. So let those tears roll and know you'll always have the memory to embrace.
How do I know if I'm in love? ›Typically, being in love with someone means you want to spend as much time with them as possible. Even if you're busy, you probably find yourself arranging your schedule to see your partner. This might also involve a desire to get to know more about them by exploring their interests.
How do you know if its love? ›When you're in love with someone, you'll start to develop strong compassion for them. The powerful urge to be connected to this person brings new aspects to your relationship, such as emotional or physical intimacy, passion, and a desire to know everything about them, and be known by them in return.
How do you tell he's falling for you? ›- He Wants To Spend More Time Around You. ...
- He Says “We” ...
- He Wants To Make You Smile. ...
- He Puts Himself In Your Shoes. ...
- He Sees The Good In You. ...
- He Wants You To Meet His Loved Ones. ...
- He Lets You See His Vulnerabilities. ...
- He Goes To You When Things Are Difficult.
Trauma triggers can be anything that reminds you of a past trauma — which might include a certain smell, a particular song or sound, or a piece of clothing.
Can songs turn you on? ›Dopamine is a neurotransmitter released in response to rewards in the brain and is known as a feel-good hormone. So, it follows that listening to music can increase your pleasure during sex as well.
What are the 7 feelings of music? ›They are variations of musical scales that give various emotions and feelings. There are seven musical modes: Ionian, Dorian, Phrygian, Lydian, Mixolydian, Aeolian, and Locrian. These modes are constructed from the seven scale degrees of a major scale. This means they use the same interval pattern as a major scale.
What is a true love? ›True love is a unique and passionate bond that connects you as a couple that wants the best for the other person regardless of what that means for them. It is the foundation for a healthy, loving relationship. True love is authentic and genuine.
What percent of songs are love? ›Isn't art derivative of love, after all? As a fact, most of the songs that exist are about love in some way. A study on the “psychology of music” determined about 67% of lyrics in every song, every decade since the '60s, were somehow about love. Close seconds were money, partying and depression.
How does love work in the body? ›High levels of dopamine and a related hormone, norepinephrine, are released during attraction. These chemicals make us giddy, energetic, and euphoric, even leading to decreased appetite and insomnia – which means you actually can be so “in love” that you can't eat and can't sleep.
What is love in a relationship? ›
Extreme feelings of attachment, affection, and need. Dramatic, sudden feelings of attraction and respect. A fleeting emotion of care, affection, and like. A choice to commit to helping, respecting, and caring for another, such as in marriage or when having a child.
How does the heart feel love? ›Dopamine creates feelings of euphoria while adrenaline and norepinephrine are responsible for the pitter-patter of the heart, restlessness and overall preoccupation that go along with experiencing love. MRI scans indicate that love lights up the pleasure center of the brain.
What is the connection between music and love? ›A song also has the power to arouse emotions, get you to cry or smile; Music has a great capacity to make us feel and not only romantic love, it is also a factor that accompanies other types of love and feelings. It is said that music is an imitation of the things closest to life.
What does sociology say about love? ›More specifically, we tend to end up in love with people who share our race, ethnicity, religion, age, and social class. Sociologists originally referred to this as homophily—the idea that we gravitate towards those who are similar to us.
What does social mean in love? ›Definition. Our perspective defines Social Love as an action, relationship, or social interaction in which subjects overabound (in giving, in receiving, in not giving or doing, in not taking care) of all its antecedents, and therefore, it offers more than the situation demands with the intent to bring benefits.
Is love a social need? ›Love and belonging are social needs since they may improve your well-being and involve others. This includes all types of love. According to the Encyclopedia of Personality and Individual Differences, if these needs are not met, it could lead to mental health issues.
What is the difference between falling in love and growing in love? ›Falling in love can take an instant, but growing in love takes time. Time for both people to grow up and together and decide that they still choose other. Time for life and what they know about themselves to dictate whether they still belong together.
What is the difference between falling in love and being in love? ›Loving someone can be best described as a type of emotional attachment. The long-term bond is strengthened by the action of a hormone called Vasopressin. Falling in love is a different chemical process. Falling in love requires lust and sexual attraction.
What does the phrase falling in love mean? ›: to begin to feel romantic love for someone. They fell (madly/passionately) in love (with each other). sometimes used figuratively.
Does falling in love mean you're in love? ›The very word “falling” is a useful image to keep in mind when you're thinking about this stage, which social psychologist and relationship scientist Theresa E. DiDonato, PhD, says is “a transitional phase between not being in love and being in love, and is often described as exhilarating.”
What's a bigger feeling than love? ›
Being enamored of something or with someone goes far beyond liking them, and it's even more flowery than love. Enamored means smitten with, or totally infatuated.
Is being in love deeper than love? ›Being in love involves focusing more on how your partner makes you feel rather than the other way around. Loving someone, however, involves going out of your way to make your partner's day special in order to make them happy.
Am I falling out of love or is it just a phase? ›If you find yourself totally disinterested in what your partner thinks, feels, says or does, it's likely that loving feeling is gone. Arzt adds people who “only do the bare minimum” may be falling out of love. “They may oblige with date night, but they feel restless and bored,” she says.
Can you love someone without falling in love with them? ›Remember that it is possible to love someone without being in love with them. Focus on developing platonic relationships with others. You might find that you can still experience the benefits of love without all of the complications that come with being in a romantic relationship.
Can I love someone without being in love with them? ›You can, however, love someone unconditionally without having a relationship with them. Acceptance sometimes involves recognizing when it's unlikely someone will change and taking steps to protect your own well-being.
How can you tell a man is falling in love with you? ›For example, you can watch his body language. He's likely to turn his body towards you when in conversation and to make eye contact with you. He may pay attention to you more than others that are around. He's also likely to try spending time with you more than with others when he's falling in love.
What are the signs that you are falling in love with someone? ›- You can't stop thinking about the person. ...
- You know them better than anyone else. ...
- You often think about a future with the person. ...
- You prioritize spending time with them. ...
- You feel safe. ...
- You're more affectionate. ...
- You feel actually on top of the world.
Researchers concluded that falling in love is much like the sensation of feeling addicted to drugs with the release of euphoria, including brain chemicals like dopamine, oxytocin, adrenaline, and vasopressin.